A Porno Jim Show on New Years Eve

I ended 2011 by performing a special Porno Jim Show as the opening act for a New Years Eve sex party. The Chemistry organizers have many attractive people on their mailing list, and the space was fancifully decorated for the night’s theme: the Rapture. In honor of the end-times, couples were encouraged to wear white, and many beautiful women arrived both creatively and sexily dressed.

Those of you who saw either of my performances at Dixon Place know that I have had a special appreciation for sheer white clothing since I was fourteen, when I first saw Karla DeVito rocking her Danskin while lip syncing to Ellen Foley’s voice in this Meat Loaf video on Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert (which aired after Saturday Night Live for many years).

I’ve been writing and performing a new Porno Jim Show every six months or so for almost ten years now. For those of you who have never seen me live (or were at a different party this NYE), here is a recap of my latest show.

About 20 couples had arrived when the show began at 10:20 PM (there were over 100 people in attendance by midnight). The MC for the evening’s entertainment, burlesque legend Jonny Porkpie came out in casual clothes to introduce me. This contrasted nicely with my more formal stage attire.

As you can see I wore the shiniest pants in the world. Mr. Porkpie hosted the rest of the show wearing a spectacularly shiny gold suit, but I don’t have a picture of that because it is uncool to take photos at a sex party.

I talked to the audience about the important role that porn can play in their lives, especially for the kind of people who make adult playtime a significant part of their leisure activities, such as one meets at an sex party on NYE.

Porn at it’s best is sexually advanced behavior performed by attractive sexual athletes. The average viewer can only dream about having sex with multiple partners or in public, so porn scenes tend to be seen as fantasy fulfillment. But some men and women are sexual explorers who will sometimes get the opportunity to have threesomes and other sexual adventures. For those people who have (or hope to have) group sex or want to explore their sexual boundaries, Good porn can be instructional as well as inspirational.

Of course, there is Good porn and there is Bad porn. Good porn is the kind that turns you on. Videos that show you sexual athletes (whom you find attractive) performing visually interesting sexual acts, ideally leading to mutually orgasmic experiences without insulting you through sub-standard production values or gross misogyny.

Bad porn is boring and does not turn you on.

Porn movies have been around ever since they invented the camera, so I open with a clip from a 1930’s French stag film, where we discover that in early 20th century France, they had not quite figured out how a threesome is supposed to work.

 

I couldn’t find any Rapture–inspired pornography, so here are a few clips showing the porn industry vision of Hell:

That last clip was from the Japanese video Tentacle Ecstasy 3, which technically wasn’t about the afterlife, just alien tentacle monsters, but she is suffering a very unpleasant fate, so I think it applies.

 

In honor of Christmas, here is some Santa porn, which there is more of than you might think.

During the many hours of exhaustive research combing the tube sites for funny and educational videos to show you, I often come across weird little porn moments that I think people ought to see. Sexual images and activities that push the boundaries of what you thought was possible, and demonstrate that pornography can be more than just erotic. It can also be hilarious and mind-blowing.

I edit these discoveries down to just the best parts, then arrange them just so and a new Porntage is born! I’ll be posting many even more unbelievable Porntages in the next few weeks, but here is the first one of 2012.

I found most of these clips on Pornhub.com (the most popular tube site) or Youjizz.com (I like their interface) or someplace similar. You should search around for the full versions of these outstanding sexvids if you are so inclined.  The sex-while-skydiving clip is the most historic video one here, as I believe that act has never been recorded before (though I would be very surprised if this was the first mid-air sex ever attempted).

Next I gave away a couple of Hookin Up DVDs to women in the audience who said that they had both never seen me before and who watched porn. Though neither woman could seem to remember any details about the specific movies they had watched (most likely some generic Cinemax movies), I gave them the benefit of the doubt and awarded them their prizes anyway. I like getting my movie into the hands of porn beginners who are horny enough to attend sex parties. Those are exactly the kind of people who I made Hookin’ Up (available for download – just $4.95!) for; sexually adventurous women who have only seen a few porn videos and were not really turned on by them.

For me, the best part of a good porn scene is when the female performer comes. So here are four of the best porn orgasms I’ve seen this year.

That’s what I mean by Good Porn! We saw:

  • An amateur couple (hotel69staronline) who have uploaded quite a few videos of their lovemaking (though the website advertised in the clip is currently inactive).
  • Kelly Madison (http://www.kellymadison.com/) enjoying her Hitachi
  • Plus clips from two Elegant Angel titles: Kristina Rose in Real Female Orgasms #13 (one of my favorite porn series) and Alexis Texas in Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman. Both William H. and Mason are outstanding directors.

And that’s my show! I hope you enjoyed it, and that you are a bit more sexually aroused than you were half an hour ago. I’ll keep you posted on all my future performances.

By the way, are you putting together a bachelorette or birthday party for your adventurous friend? Contact me at pornojim@pornojim.com. I can create and perform a custom Porno Jim Show to suit any sexuality-tinged occasion.

This entry was posted in Commentary, Videos. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.